Why is it that a step outside of our designated gender boundaries leads to embarrassment, mockery, or disgust by others? It is at a very young and impressionable age we learn what it means to act in a masculine or feminine way; and as we get older, these become ingrained in us. Specifically, intra-gender interactions follow a set of unspoken guidelines that are telling of just how important it is for us to stick to our gender roles.
We are drawn to people for many different reasons, varying from physical, to sexual, and social attraction. We often associate physical and sexual attraction together, however, they are very distinct and separate factors. When we are physically attracted to someone, we are drawn to physical aspects of them, whereas sexual attraction brings about feelings of arousal in their presence. A clear example of this difference is when heterosexual people discuss feelings of attraction to their same sex. A girl will recognize when a hot girl walks by, and she is likely to say something to her friends.
In this picture from facebook, girls are complimenting this girl on how pretty she is.
In this picture on facebook, guys are complimenting the guy on his keg-stand. They aren't saying anything about how attractive he is, unlike the girls in the photo above.
In this picture on facebook, guys are complimenting the guy on his keg-stand. They aren't saying anything about how attractive he is, unlike the girls in the photo above.
A guy, on the other hand, may notice an attractive dude, but he wouldn’t dare acknowledge it. Even if a girl specifically asks for a guy’s opinion about another guy, he is hesitant to give his opinion. If he does, there are very few things he can say so he doesn’t sound gay. He can be “good looking, decent looking, or alright”. These compliments are all acceptable, but anything past this, and he’s crossing the masculine line. A guy can NEVER call another dude hot. When assessing another guy’s buffness, it’s masculine enough to say “that dude’s jacked”. All of these convoluted rules stem from gender differences that are established very early on in life. Parents make it clear to their children what is acceptable behavior as a boy and girl, and most parents don’t allow any mixing of this behavior.
Intrigued by these gender roles, C.J. Pascow spent a year and a half in a high school ‘studying guys’. She wanted to study masculinity in both males and females. She found that “fag” was the worst word a guy could say to another guy, and that girls rarely used the word. Guys used the word, fag, as a means of policing the behaviors that lacked masculinity in their male peers. (2)
When it comes to discussion of the girl a guy is getting with, it is more than likely his friends will confirm her hotness. When guys do compliment each other, it is usually by his choice of girl. Guys will say things to each other about his girlfriend that girls would never say to each other. This may be indicative of the fact that a girl would take a compliment about her boy’s attractiveness to heart. She may interpret her friend’s compliment as ‘I want your boyfriend.’ On the other hand, guys are comfortable and encouraging in discussion of their friends gals. When a girl does compliment her friend’s boyfriend, it is only when her friend has asked for her opinion. Otherwise, she may get upset and think her friend is trying to steal her man.
When girls complement one another, they are often looking for a compliment in return. Sometimes girls give complements to their friends specifically because they want to hear something nice about themselves. In fact, she will make it very clear that she’s waiting for one back, by staring at the compliment-giver and making her feel uncomfortable. Guys don’t seem to feel this ‘chivalrous’ necessity to return complements, so as not to hurt their dude’s feelings.
So, at the end of the day, there really isn’t much research done in regard to these abstract rules we follow. However, we can conclude that these rules are most important during our teen years because as we get older, it seems that one man telling his business partner he looks nice in his suit isn’t so ‘gay’ afterall.
1. "Intra-Gender Communications." May 5, 2007. Online Posting to Can't We Talk? (from: You Just Don't Understand. Web. 6 Nov. 2011. <http://forum.netmuslims.com/
Schoepflin, Todd. "Dude, You're a Fag: As Exemplary Ethnography." Everyday Sociology Blog. N.p., April 28, 2011. Web. <http://www.
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